Mom has entered her "final days"

My sister telephoned; Mom has entered her "final days". Over the weekend Mom went into a deep sleep and could not be roused. The nursing staff predicts that she will pass within a week.

Mom has been on a long slow decline for ten years. She hasn't known my name for the last four years and she hasn't even recognized me the last two years.

I've already said my goodbyes and let go of her. That flesh is not my mother. I will feel relieved when it is all over.

Does humidity affect judgment?

I just turned another year dumber and I'm becoming concerned about my ability to make good decisions. I thought judgment improved with age but apparently that isn't always the case. I've demonstrated some poor judgment recently.

The most recent example of poor judgment occurred on Friday. There was a 50% chance of rain on Thursday with a 70% change of rain Thursday night. The rain was expected to last through noon Friday. It started raining shortly after I got home Thursday night and it rained all night. When I got ready for work Friday morning, I looked outside and observed that it was very cloudy and cool, the street was all wet, water was standing in the gutters, and there was a very light drizzle falling. My thinking went like this:
  • It rained all night.
  • It's raining now.
  • I probably should take the car today.
  • I want to ride the motorcycle as much as possible.
  • I'll get wet walking out to the car.
  • I might loose my parking space.
  • It doesn't look like it's raining very hard.
  • I shouldn't be afraid of a little rain.
  • I'll ride the motorcycle.
My thinking did NOT include the following:
  • The forecast calls for rain through noon today.
  • This is just a lull in the storm.
  • There will be standing water in the streets.
  • I'll get splashed by cars.
  • Everyones visibility will be reduced.
  • It will be slick in places.
  • There will be debris and gravel in the street.
  • I don't have rain gear.
  • I'll get wet and cold.
  • I'll need a change of closes (including shoes.)
  • I will take the car.
Good judgment is the ability to fairly assess the available information, understand the potential consequences, being able to predict the possible outcomes, and reach a sensible decision.

As a result of my failure to fairly and accurately assess the situation I made a poor decision and incurred the consequences, such as they were, of my poor judgment. Everything was fine for the first couple of blocks but then the rain picked up again. I even thought about turning back but decided to press on. I was getting rained on and splashed on and was dodging puddles. I had to open my visor just to see! By the time I got to work my shoes, socks and pants were soaked all the way through - and I didn't have anything to change into.

I was fortunate that was the extent of the consequences of my actions. It could have been worse. With poor visibility and wet streets I could have hit someone or been hit by them. I could have stopped on a slick spot and fallen over, or I could have hit a pothole hidden under a puddle and been thrown off. I was lucky all that happened was that I got soaking wet and cold. I also got some mild chastising from some people at work.

If I'm having difficulty making sound decisions then something must be clouding my judgment. What could it be? I know that physical health, drugs and alcohol, mental health, and fatigue can all affect judgment. I'm in reasonably good health, I don't do drugs and I only have one beer every 3 months, I'm not talking to any six foot tall invisible white rabbits, and I'm sleeping alright. Maybe something else is affecting my judgment.

Impatience and over confidence also affect judgment. Impatience can short-circuit the whole decision making process by ignoring important facts and potential consequences. Over confidence leads to over estimating skills and abilities, and under estimating risks.

I think I found the problem. I was impatient. I was annoyed by the rain. I wanted to ride my motorcycle and I was confident in my abilities. I ignored many of the facts and underestimated many of the risks.

I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I make as many good decisions as I do poor ones. I suspect that is true for most people. If you're not making mistakes its only because you aren't doing anything (or you're dead.)

I need to be more cognizant of the fact that my skills and reflexes aren't what they use to be, and my physical stamina is waning. If I slow down and be more deliberative when making decisions, and pay more attention to things that may skew my thinking (impatience, over confidence, etc.), I can make more good decisions than poor ones.

I should make an appointment with the Doctor for a Physical exam too.

See also:
I am so embarrassed
My First Ride
I buy a motorcycle and it starts raining! (updated)
Motorcycle gear shift sequence
Basic Motorcycle Rider Course

I am so embarrassed


I am so embarrassed! Well, actually I'm mad at myself. I managed to drop my motorcycle this evening coming into the underground parking garage at the apartment. SOON OFF AH BEACH! It was totally avoidable - completely the result of a really stupid mistake on my part. I've never liked the entrance to the garage. You have to go up/down a steep ramp going in/out, make a 90 degree turn inside the garage, vehicles going in/out use the same door and ramp, a vehicle at the top of the ramp coming in can't see a vehicle inside the garage coming out, and the top of the ramp is at a blind intersection on a 1-way street. This evening I stopped at the top of the ramp and opened the garage door and started down the ramp. I was going real slow down the ramp. I started to turn just as the front wheel was inside the door. That's when I dropped the bike. I tried to wrestle with it for a few seconds before realizing I had lost the fight. I said something about the sun and the beach, very loudly, more than once, then came to my senses and hit the kill switch. By that time the bike was down and gas was leaking out of the tank. It was laying on its right side. I was afraid the garage door was going to come down but it must have a sensor that detected something was under the door. I positioned myself on the right side of the bike with my back to the bike, squat down, grabbed hold of the right grip with my left hand, grabbed hold of the frame under the back wheel with my right hand, and pushed up with my legs. It wasn't that hard. It would have been harder if I wasn't on solid ground. Fortunately this happened at a dead slow, almost stopped speed, but I did a quick check for damage. The handle bar was still straight, the break lever wasn't bent or broken, the gas had stopped leaking, no damage to the radiator and nothing dangling down, so I got back on, started it back up and drove it to my parking space. My big mistake was to pull the clutch in half way down the ramp and coast the rest of the way. I was still coasting, dead slow, when I started the turn just inside the door. I think I hit the front break too. No power to the rear wheel and breaking while the bike was leaned over was enough to cause me to drop it. How embarrassing (maddening!) At least it happened at home instead of a more public place, at a dead slow speed, and there wasn't any damage. And, now I know that I can pick it up. Lessons learned: Always keep power to the rear wheel during a turn; never clutch or coast through a turn. Never use the break while the bike is leaned over; straighten the bike up before breaking. Don't look at the front tire; look at where you want the bike to go. See also: Does humidity affect judgment? My First Ride I buy a motorcycle and it starts raining! (updated) Motorcycle gear shift sequence Basic Motorcycle Rider Course