Sunday, February 06, 2011

Pleasure and Pain

The burn on my leg is quite painful but it does appear to be getting better. I keep it clean and change the bandages twice a day. I took this picture Wednesday morning - don't click on this link if you are grossed out easily.

We had subzero temperatures for several days this week and have had a couple of good snow storms blow through. It snowed again last night and we are expecting more snow this evening.

I haven't been on facebook for a week now; I did logon long enough yesterday to post a meeting announcement on the clubs FB page but did not look at my wall or timeline. I read an interesting commentary in Advocate magazine where the commentator echoed some of my frustrations and irritations over politics and causes. While his frustrations stem from a different source I got a sense of validation from his article.

I had my regular meeting with Dr. Bob this week. We talked at length about loneliness and intimacy and my inability to feel any sense of connection to others. I honestly can not recall anyone with whom I've felt any deep or profound sense of connection. I'm not sure I would even be able to recognize it if I ever experienced it. I can't even imagine what It might be like. We also talked about my latest "Star Crush". I've had 3 star crushes over the past 40 years. I suspect there is a correlation between the star crushes and depressive episodes but Dr Bob is not convinced.

The most bizarre aspect of this star crush is that it gives me both pleasure and pain. The pleasure comes from my perception of his public persona. The pain comes from my dwelling on: what is not, what never was, and what never will be. Dr. Bob suggests there is nothing wrong with finding pleasure in this crush, but rather than dwelling on the pain, I might try seeing him as a role-model for a way of being.

Someone lost a Cotters-Key in the parking lot and I found it. It was stuck in my right rear tire. I can't remember the last time I had a flat tire. I called AAA and they were there within a half hour; it didn't cost me a cent.